Resources
Scar Tissue
Unstuck Monthly | September 2026
When good leadership is met with eye rolls, we keep being good.
Last month I wrote about a leader who ran his organization with a tight fist, and how a few hundred people slowed to the speed of his finicky decision-making.
When a new leader joined his leadership team, she arrived with a better philosophy built on trusting people with their own judgment. In small group meetings, she shared her vision for collaboration, flattening reporting structures, and easing the churn of re-work. Those who reported to her and the big boss met her words with derision, and even eye rolls.
Mocking the new leader’s desire to change the dynamic of the team culture was evidence of workplace scar tissue. Trying to perform under the grip of the big boss had taught people that any overtures from leadership came with risk, and that the sensible move was to wait for the risk to reveal itself before following along too closely.
September and October feel like a season of change. And to successfully navigate periods of change, trust becomes a necessary ingredient. In July I wrote that trust gets built when someone goes first, and that the best leaders make the first move knowing it may not pay off immediately. Behaviors that demonstrate trust may feel like they backfire: a sincere gesture landing on people who have learned to protect themselves from sincere gestures. In the Q3 crunch, with our patience already thin, we might feel the pull to take the gesture back.
The view from the other side
Earlier this year a client described his first months under a new boss who was calm, generous with praise, and said yes to nearly everything he proposed. He had come from a firm where he felt watched at every turn, and where the people who had championed him seemed to turn on him the moment he gave notice.
The client was riddled with workplace scar tissue, so in response to his new boss’s modus operandi, he waited. Every yes from the new boss felt provisional, and the client kept wondering when the new boss would change their mind about him. The boss's calm unsettled my client most because he kept imagining that the calm was only a facade that would break in spectacular and scary fashion, like he’d seen before from previous bosses.
Partway through our session my client said it plainly: he was used to being punished at work, and with no one punishing him anymore, he had quietly taken over the job to punish himself.
These mindsets and worries arrived with my client from his last job, and his new boss had no view of them. From across the desk, my client’s caution would have read as hesitation and, eventually, low performance.
What we inherit
Most of us lead someone who arrives in our care with visible scarring like this. It might come from a manager who yelled, a reorganization that punished the people who spoke up, or a controlling boss like the one in last month’s story. We see its effects all the time: the teammate who seeks approval at every step without owning their own decisions, the apology that comes before every idea, or the room that goes quiet when we ask for hard feedback.
Simply put, this comes with the job of people leadership. Management scholars Roger Mayer, James Davis, and David Schoorman proposed an influential model of trust in the workplace that helps explain why. In it, our trust in a specific person rests on two things: the general willingness to trust that each of us brings into every working relationship, and our read of that person's ability, benevolence, and integrity. They define integrity as consistently following principles the other person finds acceptable, which means a leader can only demonstrate it over time.
A good, kind leader creates the conditions for those scars to fade so people can do their best work, and our lever for doing it is narrow and practical: behaving consistently enough, for long enough, that the scar tissue softens and people move freely again. My client adjusted that way, as his new environment kept proving it was different and better than his former workplace.
This work is slow, and nothing guarantees a payoff.
The repeat
Here is an exercise for this month:
Identify at least one teammate whose response to our good faith gestures has been guarded, skeptical, or quietly cynical. We write down the specific thing(s) they do: the eye roll, the double-check, the wait for the catch, the apology before the idea.
Next to their behavior, we write the history: what we believe their previous leader most likely did in that same moment. It’s fine to hypothesize. The purpose is to locate where the reaction comes from, so we can stop taking it personally.
Then we choose one purposeful trust move we will make on a set cadence through the end of the year. It might be handing over a decision and leaving it handed over, asking deeper questions in a one-on-one, or responding to mistakes with the same steadiness every time.
Finally, we tell the teammate plainly what they can expect from us. Saying it out loud gives them a standard to hold us to on the days the crush of work makes us short.
Preparing on purpose, setting a clear standard, and repeating the move all take nerve, because they mean taking the lead in building trust even when derision might be the first response.
What the scar tissue asks of us
Some of the hardest parts of people leadership are issues that our teams bring from their previous bosses. The new leader in last month’s story paid for the big boss’s grip. Months into the new role, she is receiving accolades from the middle managers for how the culture is slowly starting to evolve beyond the big boss’s limitations. We inherit others’ scar tissue and have an obligation to use that knowledge to help our teammates grow beyond it.
Trust with a guarded or derisive teammate gets built on the repetition of solid, kind, and forward-thinking leadership behaviors. Each repeat is evidence that some downside they’re anticipating is not coming. Over time and through effort, people can stop bracing and start doing the work they were hired to do, and that patient, unglamorous consistency is some of the most valuable leadership we will practice all year.
“Our conversations sometimes uncover uncomfortable questions or impasses, but Alex’s steady hand and empathic approach to coaching makes me feel comfortable pushing myself in new directions.”
— Seth, Management Consulting Manager
Leading someone who arrived carrying scars from previous bosses is slow, patient work, and a thought partner helps us stay consistent when the early attempts don’t land. If a teammate came to mind as you read this, let’s talk about how to build the trust that lets them do their best work.
Great conversations start with shared insights. My coaching practice, like this newsletter, thrives on connections. If you know someone who's navigating their own sticking points, I’d love for you to share this with them.
